


Full of light

by Tinaamato09



Category: Alta Mar | High Seas (TV 2019)
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Introspection, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26072593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinaamato09/pseuds/Tinaamato09
Summary: Set during 2x03. The night Carolina visits Casandra to bring her dinner, the two end up talking until late in the night. Carolina then starts questioning some aspects of her life, as she keeps thinking about their conversation.
Relationships: Casandra Leonormand/Carolina Villanueva
Comments: 11
Kudos: 12





	Full of light

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the first fic I've posted on this website, I hope you'll like it. I was very disappointed when I watched the third season of the show and realized Casandra wasn't going to show up, and so I thought I'd write this one-shot to describe a missing moment between her and Carolina and what I think their relationship might have meant to each other. Disclaimer: English is not my first language, I'm actually Italian and I wrote the story in Italian and then I translated it into English, so if my writing style seems a bit weird to you or if you notice any mistakes I apologize in advance.

When Carolina returned to her cabin it was late, terribly late. She knew this and on the one hand she was feeling deeply guilty. She hoped that at least Fernando would be asleep, so that she could change and slip silently under the covers without having to wake him up. However, when she found herself in front of the wooden door of her room, her eyes immediately noticed a glimmer of light coming out of the cracks, a sign that her husband was still awake. After all, Carolina should have guessed it: dedicated as he was to his job, it was normal for Fernando to decide to stay up late if he still had some business to take care of. Feeling slightly guilty about her lateness, Carolina turned the handle down and entered the room. At first glance the cabin seemed empty, Fernando was neither in bed nor sitting at his desk, even though the light was on, just as Carolina had already noticed.  
  
  
\- Fernando, - she called out, as she walked towards their bed, - I'm back, sorry about the time.  
  
  
Her husband then came out of the bathroom, in a blue nightgown and clearly ready for bed.  
  
  
-Carolina, finally, I was beginning to worry - Fernando greeted her, sitting down on the bed he shared with his wife. Carolina, on the other hand, remained standing, aware that soon she would have to go to the bathroom to remove her make-up. -Where did you go? I thought you were just bringing _that woman_ dinner.  
  
  
She ignored the sudden pang of annoyance she felt while hearing the contemptuous way in which Fernando had referred to Casandra, unable to even pronounce her name. Instead, opting for an attempt to maintain harmony within the conversation, she wisely chose to reply: -Yes, in fact, I was with _Casandra_ , - she confirmed, particularly emphasizing that last word. -I brought her dinner and then we started talking, and without my realizing it, time flew by. I'm sorry if I made you worry, luckily you weren't already asleep, so I didn't wake you up... - she added, hinting a smile in his direction.  
  
  
It was the truth after all, it wasn't like Carolina had said anything different from what had actually happened... so why was she feeling terribly guilty? Why was her brain making her feel like she had just told him a lie? After all, that was exactly how it went, as she herself had said: after Carolina had brought Casandra a tray of consommé, toasts and fruits, so that she could fully recover her strength after the séance, the two started chatting. Carolina had been so engrossed in the conversation and, well, in Casandra in general, that she hadn't noticed the minutes going by, and then the hours... until, after accidentally gazing at the wall clock in the room, she had suddenly realized that she had been in the other woman's room for nearly three hours. And then, the reality of the situation suddenly hit her and she hurried back to her husband, where she should actually have been at such a late time of the night.  
  
  
_It won't be a lie, but it's not the whole truth either, and you know it._  
  
  
_And what would the whole truth be, might I ask? That talking to Casandra was pleasant and for a few hours I managed not to think about the woman with whom my husband cheated on me years ago, whose ghost is apparently haunting the ship? That now that I have heard her name again after so long, I can't even look at Fernando in the eye anymore, especially thinking that he might have killed her? That Casandra, for a change, managed to get me distracted and made me think about something else, that she is the only one that makes me feel understood and appreciated and not as if I were crazy?  
_  
  
_That's a start. But it's not all. Why don't you tell him how she made you feel every time she looked at you with such adoring eyes, she touched you or complimented you?  
_  
  
Carolina deliberately chose to ignore the annoying little voice inside her head that was obviously wrong. Casandra had certainly not looked at her with adoring eyes or who knows what ... well, she did stare at her in such a sweet and intense way, and _perhaps_ , and let's emphasize _perhaps_ , Carolina had felt her inside melting _a little_ (but only a little) every time she had given her one of her smiles, or had reached out to hold her hand in a reassuring and protective way... but in the end it meant nothing. They were simply bonding, starting a friendship. Why would Carolina have to feel guilty about that, it didn't make sense... right?  
  
  
And then yes, fine, _maybe_ Carolina these days had found herself thinking a little (okay, maybe more than a little, maybe quite often) about her and all the lovely things she had said to her ... things that no one else had ever told her before in her whole life. What if that were the case? After all, she didn't see anything wrong with it ... it was normal that she liked feeling valued and appreciated, that she was happy to have found someone who thought that her sensitivy made her generous and special, and not naive and overly emotional. Fernando, on the contrary, had a very logical and pragmatic personality, and more than once Carolina had found his way of approaching life quite distant from her own. Not like Casandra.  
  
  
_You're full of light, Carolina. And it's the only way to defeat the darkness._  
  
  
The words Casandra had spoken to her a few hours earlier echoed in her head, as her heart sped up. Fernando had never told her that. In fact, coming to think of it, while standing by his side she was constantly feeling as if he were the bright and successful one, rich, intelligent and in charge of a ship as massive and luxurious as the Barbara de Braganza. On the other hand, at least according to her own perception, she was supposed to feel lucky to be able to love and support a man like him, and the best she could hope for was to absorb and reflect some of his light. No one else ever made her think that she could shine with her own light. It was such a good feeling.  
  
  
-Right, don't worry my love, I was still awake, - Fernando gently reassured her, finally making her snap from her train of thoughts, as he lifted the sheets of the bed to go to sleep. - Try not to spend too much time with that woman, okay? I don't want her ramblings about the dead and ghosts to scare you and get to your head.  
  
  
Carolina sighed. Of course, to him it was all just ramblings. The thought that Carolina might have actually seen a dead woman did not touch him in the least. She wasn't even surprised anymore. -We talked about other things too,- Carolina replied, reaching for her pillow to get the white nightgown under it, which had been meticulously folded by the maid. Anyway, what she had told Fernando was actually true: after a brief, initial discussion the conversation had moved to other topics; Carolina guessed that Casandra had realized that she had been quite shocked by what she had seen during the seance and, of course, she had tried to distract her, thus changing the subject.  
  
  
And she did have succeeded in doing it. The dark-haired woman had told her that she was actually quite used to eating consommé, that was another reason why Carolina's gesture had been particularly appreciated: both Casandra's parents were French and her mother used to make it very often for her and her sister during their childhood. Of course, Carolina should have figured it out earlier, Lenormand didn't exactly sound like an average Spanish surname. And then Carolina had started telling her about her childhood, about the few memories she had of her mother, who died when Eva was only a few months old, about the foods and the dishes she used to eat when she was a child, about Francisca's cakes ... And Casandra had never once made her feel like the things she was telling her were stupid or boring, but on the contrary, she had listened her attentively the whole time. Talking to her felt so natural and spontaneous; well, the soft light of the abajour that had enlightened the room and Casandra's soft tone had helped, creating an intimate atmosphere in which Carolina immediately felt encouraged to open up. Now that she was thinking about it, Carolina only then realized how much she actually wanted someone to listen to her, to really listen to her, even when she was talking about stupid and trivial things such as her favorite cakes or the meals she was particularly good at cooking.  
  
  
Realizing that if she kept thinking so much she would probably end up noticing many other things that, most likely, it would have been better not to notice, Carolina took her nightgown and decided to finally walk to the bathroom, to get ready to go to sleep.  
  
  
-And by the way, her name is Cassandra, - she pointed out, before closing the door behind her.  
  
  
From the other side, she could clarly hear Fernando's voice: -For all that matters she can be called whatever she wants, all I care about is that as soon as we get in Rio she disappears forever and leaves us alone, once and for all.  
  
  
Once again, Carolina ignored the unpleasant pang she felt following her husband's words.  
...  
  
  
  
  
That night, it took Carolina longer than usual to fall asleep. Her brain kept going back to the hours she had spent with Casandra, to her voice, to all the things she had said to her. When the next morning she woke up, she couldn't wait to see her again. The mere thought of talking to her and spending time with her was enough make her happy. She and Fernando both got up early, it was one of the things the couple actually had in common: he liked to optimize time and be productive, while Carolina was just a morning person. She wanted to enjoy the sunshine as much as possible, and she also undoubtedly appreciated the calm and peaceful atmosphere that there was when there were just a few people wandering around the ship, while most of the others preferred to linger in bed as much as possible to enjoy a few more hours of rest.  
  
  
The young married couple got ready pretty quickly, and after about half an hour the two were already in the main hall, ready to have breakfast. Natalia was sitting at one of the few tables already occupied, apparently waiting for them. As soon as she saw them, the woman motioned for the couple to come over and sit beside her. Carolina was probably wrong, but it seemed to her that since her husband had died her mood had improved considerably ... at least when she wasn't in public.  
After greeting them and ordering her breakfeast, the blond-haired woman asked Carolina: -What about your sister? Is she still sleeping?  
  
  
Carolina shrugged, hinting a polite smile. - I don't know, it might be.  
  
  
-Mh, - Natalia sarcastically sighed. -Who knows, maybe after last night she came up with the perfect plot for a story about paranormal activities.  
  
  
Carolina rolled her eyes. Considering how frightened she had been by everything she had seen, Natalia could definitely have kept that comment to herself, Carolina thought. Fernando, of course, instead of taking his wife's defense and pointing out her lack of tact, burst out laughing: -A banal and poor-quality one, if you allow me. This morning I will have the tables and the floor checked, surely we will be able to understand what trick they used and this matter will end once and for all.  
  
  
Carolina preferred to ignore him and not to answer, guessing that he wasn't likely to find anything anyway. Instead, as he and his sister continued to talk about the ship's administrative matters, her eyes scanned the room in an attempt to locate Casandra. It didn't take her long to realize she hadn't arrived yet, at least for now. After all, she must not have gone to bed so early either, she was mostly likely still asleep.  
  
  
When they finished eating breakfast, Fernando said he had to go talk to the officers who would help him carry out the tables chek-up. He asked Carolina if she would like to join him, but from the way his voice sounded it was clear that he wasn't really expecting her to say yes. Carolina clearly declined the offer. After Fernando left, she told Natalia she had to go as well:  
  
  
-Well, I'll get going then... I hope you won't mind if I don't keep you company, - she apologized poorly, not wanting to give an explanation as to how (or, more importantly, with whom) she intended to spend the rest of her morning.  
  
  
Natalia smiled at her, and this time Carolina was absolutely certain she was making fun of her: -Absolutely. Have fun with your clairvoyant.  
Carolina felt herself blush, as she silently turned away from the table, where Natalia was now sitting alone. She hadn't answered her simply because she knew that any attempt to deny what she had said would have been ridiculous, and probably hardly believable. Besides, after all, it wasn't like Carolina had to justify herself to anyone if she wanted to see Casandra. She wasn't doing anything wrong and she certainly didn't need a reason to explain why she wanted to hang out with her. The fact that she enjoyed it was legit enough, right?  
  
  
_Sure. Keep saying it to yourself and maybe you'll actually believe it._  
  
  
Carolina could remember very well that in the previous days Casandra had woken up quite early, just like her, so the hypothesis that she could be already awake by then was not so unlikely. At first she went to check on the deck, to see if she was walking outside, or maybe she was sitting on a bench to get some fresh air. However, there was no trace of Casandra there either. Carolina went back to the dining room to see if she had come down for breakfast in the meantime, and although the room was slightly more crowded, the fortune teller wasn't there. Not wanting to go knock on the door of her cabin not to risk waking her up, Carolina decided to make one last attempt and go and check if she was with the rest of her friends in the third class. When she walked down the stairs and found herself in the common area for third-class passengers, the woman discovered that her hypothesis was only partially correct: Casandra was actually there, sitting at one of the large tables. But, much to her surprise, the person she was talking to was not one of the other four castaways, but Clara Romero, the ship's singer. Carolina frowned, slightly confused. Since when did they know each other? Of course, Casandra had immediately become quite popular, given her unique abilities, but Carolina had not expected that she had bonded with Clara ... perhaps, simply because she had never seen them interact.  
  
  
The woman stood still for a moment, not sure about what to do. She wanted to talk to Casandra, but she wasn't sure the other woman was available. She certainly didn't want to bother her, or interrupt her conversation with another person. Fortunately, Casandra herself gave her a clear sign: as soon as she became aware of Carolina's presence, the woman explicitly motioned to her, inviting her to come closer. A little hesitantly, Carolina finally decided to accept the invitation, approaching the two of them.  
  
  
-Hello Carolina, - Casandra greeted her, giving her a bright smiles. A warm feeling spread in Carolina's stomach.  
  
  
_Yeah, what was it like? We simply enjoy hanging out with her?_  
  
  
-Hello-, Clara then said. Carolina hoped she was wrong, but for a moment she thought she had seen a trace of sadness in her eyes. She could only hope it wasn't anything serious. Who knows, mabe that was why she was talking to Casandra ...  
  
  
-Hey, - Carolina finally greeted them, looking at them both. - I don't mean to bother you, if you're busy right now...  
  
  
-No, - Casandra promptly interrupted her, -no, you're not bothering us, please, have a seat. I'm glad to see you, Carolina.  
  
  
Carolina had to do her best to hold back her sudden urge to smile like an idiot. She was glad to see her too.  
  
  
-Okay then,- she finally said, taking a seat in front of Casandra.  
  
  
-Well, I should go now anyway, I have to go rehearse with the band... - Clara explained while standing up. Carolina wasn't sure she was telling the truth, or if she was just saying it to leave her and Casandra alone. In any case, she decided not to investigate the matter.  
  
  
-All right, goodbye, - Carolina said.  
  
  
-Goodbye, - Casandra repeated after her.  
  
  
-I was here to have breakfast with my friends but apparently they are still sleeping, then I found Clara sitting at this table and she was alone too, I thought I'd sit down with her and keep her company. She is actually very nice, - Casandra explained. Apparently Carolina's face must have displayed all her curiosity as to why the two women were talking, since Casandra had taken the trouble to tell her.  
  
  
Carolina smiled at her. -Yes, that's right, she's a good person. I was there too when Fernando gave her the job, you know? Everyone liked her right away. Among the people who auditioned to sing aboard the ship there were many others who were more experienced, but none of them had her energy and her spirit. This is why Fernando chose to hire her, in the end. Have you ever heard her sing?  
  
  
Casandra nodded: -Yes, I have, and it's true, she's very good, you did the right thing by hiring her. Sometimes, even though it may seem risky, letting your feelings guide you is the right choice.  
  
  
Carolina felt her body become more tense at that statement, without knowing why. Was Casandra referring to something else, perhaps?  
-Yes, maybe, I guess it depends on the situation, - she replied, looking down on the table for a moment. -Anyway, if you're waiting for your friends I'll leave you alone, I don't want to bother you, really...  
  
  
-Carolina.  
  
  
An amused half smile was now curving Casandra's lips, as she gave her a look of affectionate understanding. The woman reached out to Carolina's hand and squeezed it gently, then added: -Stop apologizing, it's not necessary, really, you could never bother me. In fact, I was actually planning to see you anyway. What do you say, shall we go for a walk?  
  
  
Carolina nodded, getting to her feet and reluctantly withdrawing her hand from the other woman's. Her touch felt so pleasant and reassuring. Carolina thought to herself that getting some air would certainly do her good, maybe it would freshen up her mind. Casandra got up too, and the two women began to walk side by side towards the ship deck.  
  
  
-You said you wanted to see me, right? - Carolina then asked. -Were you looking for me?  
  
  
Casandra nodded. -Yes, that's right, I wanted to thank you for last night. After what had happened with the ghost I was really scared, to tell you the truth, but then after I talked to you I calmed down. You made me feel like I wasn't alone and ... I don't know, safer. Besides, you probably had better things to do than stay and talk to me, surely you would have preferred to be with Fernando.  
  
  
For a moment, Carolina was crossed by the thought that Casandra had added that last part on purpose to ask her in an indirect and subtle way if she would have actually preferred to be with her husband or not. Well, it couldn't be, that would be absurd. Right?  
  
  
_As much as the fact that you actually forgot about Fernando for the whole night._  
  
  
_Will you leave me alone, please? I just found out that the man I married could be a murderer, as well as a cheater. It's normal that he isn't exactly my favorite person to be with at the moment.  
_  
  
_Sure. If that's what you'd like to believe, keep telling it yourself._  
  
  
-You're welcome, I'm glad I could help you, and well, actually...- after a moment of uncertainty, Carolina added: -if I have to be honest too, it was the same for me. Talking to you felt really good, you reassured me.  
  
  
-I'm happy to hear it, - Casandra replied.  
  
  
-And anyway, I don't think Fernando missed me that much... he's married to his job above all, - Carolina explained, with a hint of bitterness in her voice.  
  
  
-If that is the case, it's definitely his loss.  
  
  
Carolina gave an amused sigh, looking down for a moment. Then, looking back at her interlocutor, she finally added: -I was looking for you too, anyway... that's why I went down to the third class, I didn't see you at breakfast in the first class lounge and so I thought you might have gone to see your friends.  
  
  
Casandra nodded. -Yes, the lounge is very elegant and the food is quite good, but I feel a little out of place there, since we are being honest with each other. I don't know most of the people, and I have the feeling that those that I actually do know do not like me very much...  
  
  
Carolina couldn't blame her. Judging by all the nasty things that Natalia, Fernando and Eva thought of her, it was normal for Casandra to try to avoid the first class as much as possible. Carolina felt really sorry for her. The young woman imagined that the last thing you need after a shipwreck is to get on a ship full of people ready to attack you and hate on you. Without knowing why, in that moment Carolina felt an instinct to protect Casandra.  
  
  
-I'd much rather eat in a less luxurious environment, but at least with my friends, - the woman finished.  
  
  
-I'm so sorry, seriously, - Carolina said in return. -I feel ashamed about the way Eva and Fernando are treating you... The truth is that the trouble on this ship had begun way before you arrived. But sometimes it is much easier to just find someone to blame than to face reality.  
  
  
Casandra nodded. -Yes, it probably is. Anyway, don't worry about me Carolina, I don't care about them. They can think what they want of me, it won't change the facts anyway.  
  
  
-You're right. Not anyone can do it, you know... not caring about what other people think. It takes courage.  
  
  
A courage that Carolina too would have liked to have, but unfortunately had never been part of her character.  
  
  
-It's not easy for me either, don't you think - Casandra confessed to her, -you learn slowly, over time. You said you were looking for me too, right?  
  
  
-Uh, yes, - Carolina remembered. -I wanted to know how you were feeling, that's all. Did you recover after last night?  
  
  
For a moment Casandra's face seemed to light up, as if she had just connected what Carolina had asked her to the events of the previous night. -Uh, yes, I recovered, thanks, I'm feeling much better now. And it's also thanks to you actually, and to the consommé you brought me.  
  
  
A feeling of unexpected satisfaction quickly spread on Carolina's face, she was glad that there was someone who, for once, paid attention to all the little things she did. Casandra was always too good to her. - You're too kind, it was nothing, really ...  
  
  
-It's not true, you actually did a lot for me. You took the trouble to bring me dinner, you came to check on me, to see how I was doing, you kept me company all night... it matters to me. It's also through small gestures like these that I can see the kind of person you are.  
  
  
By now Carolina herself had grown so accustomed to taking all the small gestures of affection she made towards the people she cared about for granted to the point that it seemed almost strange that someone would actually notice and validate them.  
  
  
-Thank you.  
  
  
The two women were about to reach the end of the deck when Carolina saw a bench nearby. Thinking that it would be easier to carry on the conversation while sitting, Carolina suggested: -Would you like to sit down?  
  
  
-Yes, sure, - Casandra agreed, as they both sat down on the bench.  
  
  
-You know,- Carolina then continued to talk, to answer what Casandra had previously told her, -often times I have the feeling that it is kind of my job, my duty to worry about the people around me. That I am doing nothing but what is expected of me.  
  
  
-But it's not, - Casandra assured her, reaching out to stroke her right cheek. It was only for a brief moment, then she pulled her arm away, but that didn't stop Carolina from feeling a small shiver spreading throughout her body. -I can assure you. You shouldn't let others make you feel this way.  
  
  
-Well, it's kind of inevitable,- Carolina found herself realizing. -When my mother died, I became the lady of the house, even though I was still very young. I had to take care of Eva and be the responsible, judicious and reliable sister. My father was very busy with the family business, and even if Francisca was sort of a parent figure to us, everyone still expected a lot from me. I was supposed to become the head of our business eventually, or at least my future husband was, to managed the family fortune. Not to mention that I was responsible for whatever Eva did, especially when she was a child. I used to help her with her homework, make sure she had studied for her tests, help her out with the subjects she struggled with... don't tell her that I said it, but she's always been terrible at math, ever since she was a kid.  
  
  
Casandra gave an amused sigh. - Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. The thing is, you were really just a child ... it's not fair that they expected so much from you.  
  
  
-I know,- Carolina said, -but they did. I don't want you to get the impression that I don't care about my sister, or that she has been a burden to me, because it's not true. But...  
  
  
-But you needed someone to take care of you too, and nobody did.  
  
  
Carolina shifted her gaze to the blue sea stretching out before her eyes, without answering. Casandra had completely understood what she meant, basically putting her feelings into words. It was the first time Carolina had talked about it with anyone, the first time she had opened up on such a delicate matter. She didn't know why, out of all the people there, she had chosen Casandra. There was something about her that made Carolina let herself go and speak her mind with such ease, something that made her comfortable with expressing such private emotions and feelings. Perhaps the fact that they still didn't know each other very much was helping her feel more at ease, since she didn't feel judged by her. Or maybe it was the fact that she had never found a person who listened to her like that. Even so, however, some things were hard to admit out loud. Carolina was feeling terribly selfish to feel certain emotions... especially considering how much Eva loved her.  
  
  
-It's all right, Carolina, - Casandra continued, squeezing Carolina's hand again. The latter turned back to her and looked into her eyes. Her touch felt so warm and nice that Carolina hoped that this time she would not withdraw her hand. Luckily, Casandra did not. The fact that that part of the deck was more secluded and less crowded certainly helped to make Carolina feel more comfortable with physical displays of affection, since she didn't have to worry about what other people might think. -You don't have to feel wrong or selfish for feeling what you feel, I can assure you that you are not.  
  
  
-Now what, do you also read minds? - Carolina asked with a small laugh, taken by surprise by the fact that, once again, Casandra had given voice to her thoughts.  
  
  
_Judging by the way she looks at me, I wouldn't be surprised if she did._  
  
  
-No, I'm not capable of reading minds yet, - Casandra reassured her, while laughing. -Although it would be very useful. It's just that I can see right through you, and I just thought that anyone in your shoes would feel like that.  
  
  
Carolina squeezed her hand. Then, after taking a quick look around to make sure there was no one else nearby who could see them, she mustered up the courage to lace her fingers with Casandra's, to show the other woman how much she appreciated her emotional support. Casandra looked down at their joined hands for a moment, then back to Carolina's face, and saw the shy, adoring smile she was giving her. Casandra returned the look, and Carolina felt her heart do a somersault inside her chest. God, the things that woman did to her...  
  
  
_We're lucky she can't read our minds, otherwise we'd be in deep trouble._  
  
  
-Was it like that for you and your sister too? - Carolina then asked. She certainly didn't want to risk boring Casandra by talking about herself all the time. She was interested in finding out more about the past of that mysterious woman as well.  
  
  
-No, no, things between her and me were very different, - Casandra said. At that point, Carolina immediately noticed a stiffening on her part. Perhaps she had involutarly touched a sore spot? She certaintly didn't meant to hurt her.  
  
  
-You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, - Carolina made it immediately clear, so as not to risk making Casandra uncomfortable.  
  
  
-It's no problem, really, I'd be glad to tell you about it. She and I, well ... we were, I mean, we are very different. We have always had two opposite personalities, ever since we were kids. I am actually the youngest, she is four years older than me, and especially as children the age gap drove us apart.  
  
  
-Yes, of course, - Carolina confirmed, nodding.  
  
  
-And above all, she was very different from you. She has never been as close to me as you were to Eva, she never helped me with my homework or with school or in general. To these days I only remember a few happy moments with her, unfortunately... - Casandra then paused for a moment, before getting on with her story: - She had her life, her friends, I was only her little sister, my job was to stay in my room and try not to bother her. And then, we were also really different as people. She was very ambitious, being the eldest she was already planning to work alongside our father one day... I was never interested in that. I preferred reading, writing or hanging out with other people. It was even more difficult for us to find something we could bond over, because of all these differences. But I loved her very much ... I only wish I got to tell her more often, that's it.  
  
  
A lonely tear wet Casandra's right cheek. Her voice, especially at the end, had become more uncertain and feeble. Carolina felt like a complete idiot for asking that question, wishing she could go back and fix her mistake. She raised her hand to wipe Casandra's tear away, tenderly stroking her right cheek. She wanted to try and comfort her, but the other woman spoke before she could:  
  
  
-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...  
  
  
Carolina sighed, shaking her head. -No, you don't have to apologize. In fact, I should be the one doing it, I didn't mean to make you feel bad.  
The blond-haired woman moved her hand away from Casandra's face to bring it back to the wooden bench. The one that was intertwined with Casandra's hand tightened her grip, in an attempt to display her support.  
  
  
-Carolina, it's all right, really, it feels good to talk to someone about it... it's a delicate topic for me and I usually don't like showing my weakness to other people, I'm used to keeping everything to myself. But it feels different with you, I don't know why but talking to you comes really naturally to me. Maybe because I feel like you can understand me, I don't know, - Casandra explained, with a sigh.  
  
  
Carolina felt a shiver run down her spine. - I feel exactly the same, I don't even know how to explain it.  
  
  
When she had leaned forward to wipe away Casandra's tear she had accidentaly gotten really close to her, and only then did Carolina realize it. God, her face was just a few inches away from hers. Carolina saw her black, beautiful eyes look down her lips for a moment, then they went back to Carolina's hazelnut ones. Her heart began to beat wildly.  
  
  
_Oh my God. Did she just look at my lips?_  
  
  
Realizing that she definitely needed to put a much-needed distance between them, Carolina slightly pulled back and cleared her throat. Then, in order to break that silence full of tension, she asked: -Forgive me for asking, but I noticed that when you talked about her you used past tenses... did something happen to her? Did you have a fight?  
  
  
Casandra hesitated for a moment before answering, as if she needed to carefully ponder what she was about to say. At the end, she replied: -Yes, we sort of did, unfortunately we haven't seen each other for years. It's a long story...  
  
  
Deciding that it would be better for both of them to move the conversation to something else, Carolina finally decided to change the subject: -Anyway, I can kind of relate to what you said earlier, you know? Eva and I were like that too, more or less. I used to spend a lot of time with my dad and my uncle, they took me to work with them, and I was also more sociable, I used to hang out with my friends quite often. Eva, on the other hand, was more like you, she used to spend a lot of time at home, in her room. Even as a child she liked writing, reading, she even made up tons of stories with the dolls and the toys we received as gifts.  
  
  
Casandra giggled, and Carolina felt relieved to see her happy and relaxed. She was glad that the heavy atmosphere from earlier had dissipated into a lighter, more enjoyable one.  
  
  
-I was like that too. I used to spend my afternoons just like she did, I'd never get bored. To my parents I was like some kind of alien.  
  
  
Carolina laughed, as she remembered all the times she and her father had had to go get Eva and drag her to the kitchen to have dinner, because otherwise she would have continued to stay in her own fantasy world for who knows how long, while at the same time promising to get there in " just five minutes" .  
  
  
-It's a shame that my sister insists on accusing you, - Carolina said, -who knows, maybe you could have become friends.  
  
  
-Maybe, I guess. What about you Carolina, what did you like to do?  
  
  
Carolina was a little taken aback by Casandra's question, at the first she didn't understand what she was referring to.  
  
  
-What do you mean by that?  
  
  
-Well, what do you enjoy? You must have had a hobby too, right? I don't know, drawing, cooking, playing sports, reading ...  
  
  
Carolina stopped for a second to think about it, but nothing came up to her mind. -I don't know, I can't think of anything. As I told you before, I didn't have much time to myself, I had to look after my sister, think about my studies... Sometimes I went to play with some friends, but I don't remember enjoying anything in particular. I guess there's nothing I'm particularly good at.  
  
  
-Or maybe you've never thought about it because no one has ever asked you, Carolina. If you think about it, it makes sense that Eva was able to cultivate her passions more than you were, she had fewer obligations and responsibilities than you, she also had more time to explore her interests. But that doesn't mean you're not as good as her.  
  
  
Carolina was impressed by Casandra's analysis. It was another thing she had never thought about before... throughout her life, a part of herself had always secretly felt inferior to her younger sister. Eva Villanueva, the writer who knows it all. She was the talented, brillant and creative one. Carolina, on the other hand, was the reliable, judicious and responsible sister. She had never thought that perhaps, if things had turned out differently, she too might have had the opportunity to explore her creative side.  
  
  
-However, I'm sure that there must be something you actually enjoy, something you do only for yourself, just because it makes you feel good. Am I right?  
  
  
Once again, Cassandra was right. If she were to guess something else about her without Carolina's mentioning it, she would have had to start seriously considering the thought that she could actually read minds.  
  
  
-Yes, there is something, actually. You're the first person I'm telling, even Eva doesn't know ... - Carolina admitted. She had never wanted to talk to anyone about it because she would have felt deeply ridiculous in doing so, as well as undoubtedly judged. However, she was slowly learning to trust Casandra, and she had just seen that the feeling was mutual. Moreover, it was the first time that someone had asked her about the things she enjoyed, the first time that someone had wanted to know something about her just because they genuinely wanted to get to know her, without ulterior motives or for a matter of social conventions. And the truth was that even Carolina herself actually wished to have someone she could open up to.  
  
  
-I really like fashion, in general, and I also really like sewing, - she finally admitted, a bit hesitantly. -Francisca taught me when I was really young, she said that it was important for a woman to know how to make patches or adjustments... but the truth is that I ended up really liking it, and I started doing it just for myself. And then every now and then I draw fashion sketches, just because, even though I've never shown them to anyone because I don't think I'm good or that I actually have talent. I know, it's nonsense, but since you asked me...  
  
  
Surely her drawings could never be comparable to the short stories collection already published by Eva, or to the novel that she would soon release. But Carolina put her commitment and her passion into making them nonetheless, and even if they were undoubtedly not very good, they were important to her. In a way, it was like she was putting a piece of herself into it, a piece of her soul.  
  
  
-I don't think it's nonsense at all, Carolina, - Casandra contradicted her immediately, -don't underestimate yourself. Have you ever thought about exploring your passion? Who knows, maybe one day it could become a job, you could get some recognition.  
  
  
Carolina shook her head. A job? Not that the hypothesis didn't interest her, but at the same time it was something she had never really considered. As long as Fernando was her husband and with Carolina's family assets behind her, the young woman would certainly never find herself in the position of having to work out of necessity. The thought of doing it only for herself and to gain recognition, of doing something that in reality, however much Carolina tried to downplay, she was very passionate about, was a completely new notion. However, now that Carolina had realized for the first time that it was indeed an option she had, she would have lied if she said she was not attracted to it.  
  
  
-I don't know, I've never thought about it, - Carolina admitted, -but I assure you that it's no big deal, seriously, they are just amateur drawings.  
  
  
On the one hand, Carolina was dying to ask Casandra if she would like to see them. It was a part of herself that Carolina had always wanted to share with someone, albeit secretly. And although in the past the shame and fear of other people's judgment had always blocked her, pushing her to hide everything as if it were something to be laughed at, now that she was finally talking about it openly she realized _how much_ she really wanted to express that side of herself... How much she actually wanted someone else to see it. Or maybe, more simply, Carolina had never found someone who understood and listened to her like Casandra did, someone who was capable of making her feel so comfortable that in a matter of a few days she had managed to do what with Fernando she had never been capable of in the span of a lifetime.  
  
  
On the other hand, however, Carolina certainly didn't want to risk boring the other woman and wasting her time with something she didn't care about. Sure, she doubted that was the case, but anyway... and besides, Casandra was always so elegant and always wore beautiful clothes, Carolina could hardly find the words to describe how gorgeous she had looked the night before at dinner in her evening dress. She was so beautiful she could take her breath away. She certainly didn't want her to think that her drawings were awful, especially when compared to the beautiful dresses in her wardrobe.  
  
  
As a consequence, Carolina found herself hoping that the other woman would ask her to see them, so as not to have to run the risk of receiving a negative answer - however unlikely. Fortunately, her connection with Casandra did not fail her on that occasion as well, since the woman asked shortly after: -Will you to let me see them, Carolina? I'm really curious. If you don't want me to feel free to say no, of course, - Casandra made it immediately clear, - I don't want to force you. I won't tell anyone about it if that's what you wish, but I'd love to take a look at your sketches.  
  
  
Carolina felt her heart beating madly inside her chest, while her stomach felt as if someone had just started a fire in it, a disruptive sequence of fireworks. She had felt the same just a few minutes ago, when she had seen Casandra's gaze on her lips, and her face had been dangerously close... What was happening to her? Why was she feeling this way? And, most of all, what was she feeling? After a quick analysis, Carolina came to the conclusion that it obviously had to be a sense of contentment mixed with nervousness. After all, she was about to show someone her sketches for the first time, which she had worked on with dedication since she was a little girl and which no one else in the world had ever seen. It was legit to feel a little nervous, right? Here, that's what it was, just a little healthy agitation, it was perfectly normal.  
  
  
-I'd love to, really, - Carolina replied, smiling enthusiastically. - Just promise me it will stay between the two of us, okay?  
  
  
Casandra nodded. - Sure, I promise.  
  
  
Reluctantly, Carolina let go of Casandra's hand to get up and walk with her to her cabin. Her stomach was still in turmoil, but she didn't care. In that moment, Carolina was glowing with happiness.


End file.
